What Happened to Heaven?

I wrote this rhyme the night before Christmas. The reason I wrote this: because I was feeling down, sad and lonely. But now my feelings and spirits are up.

I can't believe all these years have passed me by,

25, before I realize I'm a hell of a guy,

or so I'm told — and

that my soul stands bold.

Some think I'm old,

some young.

It's where I've been,

and right around the corner

where I just

came from. Poverty is where

most are born.

I feel sad, torn, am I mad?

I'm confused. Hard times

are all I had. Miss my moms,

who the hell is Dad? *** `em.

Big dreams: become a college grad.

Learned to be proud of the name Thadd.

Call me lucky thus far, in what I believe is hell.

What happened to heaven? This can't

be the only lesson. Can I get some blessin'?

Somebody pull the trigger.

Stop the stressin'.

The leaf's no longer

my anti-depressant.

Outcast amongst my peers.

Death no longer

a fear. The coldest blocks I

walked. Didn't care. No choice. Kept steppin'.

Two-inch blade my only weapon.

What's happened to me? Who am I?

Who's that

lookin' at me in the broken mirror?
Visions gettin' no clearer.

Portrait's been stepped on. God guide me

to life's delight.

Fork in the road — is it the right — which path

do I choose?

My GPS is broke. This is all a bad dream.

Let me wake. ***. I'm already up.

Evoke my better half. Talk slick.

The tongue's a sword, saved me

many times out in the gritty scum slum ***y city.

Brotherhood no one believes in

any longer. Lord pull us out of this sin.

Which side do we fit in?

Equal out our yang and yin.

Peace.§