TALKING TRASH: To the Dump, to the Dump, to the Dump Dump Dump

Living in our neighborhood with the postage stamp houses we have, one can quickly become overcome by "junk" or "things we still hold dear but others don't."

There is a place for these items, if Good Will/Salvation Army is not an option. The Fort Totten Transfer Station, a.k.a. "The Dump," is one of those places you could live a lifetime in D.C. and never visit, not that there is anything there that would attract you to this true "playground for the nose."

However, if you find yourself in possession of an old couch, bed, old paint, or some other large item that can't wait for the semi-annual bulk items day, this may be just the place for you!

The transfer station is open 1-5 p.m. Monday through Friday and 8 a.m. - 3 p.m. on Saturdays. It accepts just about anything you may find in an average home, including old paint and solvents. All you need is a valid D.C. driver's license and a vehicle to haul your stuff.

If there is a line when you get there, don't be discouraged: it usually moves pretty quickly (nobody likes to linger). The earlier you get there, the better (there's a shorter line, and the sun hasn't had a chance to heat up anything beyond a bearable odor).

There are several drop off points. For small non-hazardous items/bags, drive around the line to the small-items drop off just short of the main entrance in a siding queue. There rarely is a line for this drop off.

For large items, you will be waved in by the attendant and directed to park on one of the two scales at the entrance. Once you have engaged the parking brake (important!) take your license and vehicle registration to the attendant at the window; they will log in your vehicle and its weight.

Once you are checked in, follow the direction of the attendant inside the building (hold your nose!). For organic materials (e.g. leaves, brush and household garbage), you will be told to dump it on the floor inside the building. For wood, mettle concrete or general construction debris, you will be directed through the building down the exit ramp to the outdoor dumping area, where another attendant will direct you where to dump your debris.

Watch for nails. I usually recon my route looking for that board bristling with nails just waiting for my tire (in my whole 20-plus trips to the dump, I've only picked up one nail, and that was when I let a friend borrow my truck!). When finished, exit out the lower gate, and you're done!

Of course you will have that wonderful scent imbedded in your clothes and hair, and "mud" in your tires and shoes. It's a smell you'll not soon forget.

To get there: take North Capitol Street to Harewood Road NE and turn right. Continue on Harewood Road, which becomes Taylor Street NE. At the third traffic signal, make an immediate right turn, then a left onto McCormack Drive NE, followed by a left onto Bates Road NE. The transfer station is at 4900 Bates Rd. NE. §